Distressed Alcohol Markers Technique and an Update

I had an idea to combine Copic markers with Ranger Distress ink and posted it when I was the Flourishes' Limelight Designer over here. 

Beate Johns (supah star) from Splitcoast saw it and asked me to do a tutorial for SCS.  So the pressure was on.  I try to avoid pressure situations when it comes to stamping, but this offer was too good to pass up.  So after lots of trial and lots of error, I made this card to feature this technique.  LOVE this Waltzingmouse Roses in Bloom set (please join my campaign to get Claire to sell more flowers!) 

This is the perfect technique when you want bright colors with some easy shading, but don't like to color large open spaces.   If you want to read how I made it, please check out my tutorial on SCS today.

Thanks to Beate and SCS for the opportunity to share yet another way to combine paper and ink!

****

If you are interested in a life update, read on. Otherwise, I hope you are happy today.

My Mom has been in the nursing home for 4 months.  Since then, she

1.  magically can eat all the food (unable to use her false teeth in our house)

2.  no longer needs oxygen

3.  complains almost non stop about being there

4.  has normal blood levels for the first time in 5 years

5.  bonded with her roommate, who cannot talk or move much at all

Since then, I

1.  can sleep late on the weekends for the first time in 5 years

2.  can travel with Mike

3.  can stay late at work (and why that is a good thing?)

4.  don't have the sound of oxygen pumping through the house

5.  no longer have a household employee to pay

And no I don't feel guilty for feeling free. I am sad that my Mom is often unhappy but thrilled that she is in a safe place that treats her well and that that safe place isn't here. 

Mike and I took good care of her.  Too good.  She turned into a diva while she was here and I got sucked into meeting her every whim.  Still taking care of her as I did when I was a child.  I could see the neurotic dance of our relationship playing out every day but felt powerless to stop it.  My father's alcoholism and abuse taught me to be uber responsible for her, for the world, for everyone except me. 

But now I am one step removed from caretaker and sometimes simply do not know how to breathe.  But I do.  I'm not afraid to tempt the fates by writing that this is one of the happiest times of my life.  It is.  No, it isn't perfect.  There is stuff in everyone's life that isn't perfect and I have a list on that side of the ledger too.  But it is good. 

She'll be 90 next month.   I'll still be daughter.

Comments

[mary dawn]

i love your tutorial! great for someone, like myself, who only posseses a few copics...and your mom only complains to complain, she's flourishing and so are you, it makes me happy that you are happy

[Nicole P.]

I am so glad that you can recognize and appreciate how happy you are now, especially after all the hard work you did for your mom. Like you said, she is safe there - and that is what is important. You can't sell out your own happiness forever.

[Karen]

Beautiful card! Thanks for the life update. I had been thinking about your mom and wondering how she's doing. I liked how you phrased the balance of happiness/perfection in life. So true. Enjoy the balance tilted toward the positive!

[Melissa Ladd]

So glad to hear that you are happy, and it sounds like your mom is too (despite the complaining)! Your card is gorgeous!

[Chris K]

Joan your card is absolutely stunning!

As far as you mother is concerned, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Enjoy life!

[Judy]

Wonderful tutorial, Joan; I love this technique! Good for you that you are taking care of yourself and feeling content in this phase of life. I know from experience how hard it can be to shed the role of parentified child.

[Tracey C.]

First, WAY TO GO on your SCS tutorial. I saw your card on the homepage, but didn't get to check it out yet -- Gorgeous!!

Second, good for you. Glad Mom is doing well, and that you are enjoying your freedom. You obnviously did a GREAT job taking care of her, and it's nice to hear that SHE seems to have gained some independence while there, even if she is grumpy about it. :)

[SueB]

Your card is jaw-dropping gorgeous. I'd like to know if you embossed the sentiment in white and if you did, what kind of embossing powder did you use? I don't like mine - never embosses sharp and clear like this one. Your Mom looks good. Sounds like her life in her new home agrees with her just fine. So glad you're enjoying your freedom.

[Starla]

I can't wait to see your tutorial (stopped by here first!)

As for your mom...I'm glad that the guilt is NOT there. It shouldn't be. She is safe, complaining (but what else is a flourishing Diva gonna do?!) and reaching a milestone.

Enjoy the moment... you and Mike both deserve this time!!

[Michele Rubenstein]

I understand so well what you are going through with your mom. I went through the same thing with my mom. Isn't the relief astonishing? Of course she is complaining, but it sounds like she complained no matter what, so now she can be a healthier complainer haha. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone else be the caregiver. It sounds like the healthiest solution for all of you.
Love you cards, too btw!

[Lynette]

Great tutorial - beautiful card.

I'm happy that you are so happy! And I'm happy that your mom is in a wonderful place and has accomplished so much in her time there. It's all good. Best wishes to all!

[~amy~]

Kudos to you...seriously.

btw, LOVE your tut and will give it a go...that's saying something since I'm pretty lazy:)

[Julie]

*mondo squishy hugs* That is all.

[Lori Barnett]

First off I just need to send a big (((hug))) Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. I'm sure there are many many people that will be touched by this! And your card is AMAZING! I am off to see the tutorial :) Enjoy all your new found free time...you deserve it!

[Francie]

Your card is beautiful! Great job with the tutorial. You have every right to be happy now. Your mom's health obviously is benefiting from the care she's being given, and you are responsible for that. You're still caring for her, but in a different way. You deserve whatever happiness you get. You go, Joan!

[Cheryl]

I love everything about this post. It's a healthy thing to know when someone else can (and should) better care for our loved ones. Plus, that card is gorgeous!

[loni]

you must be sick of reading me saying this but... u rock baby! enjoy your new freedom and xtra sleep. mom sounds great in her new digs. <3

[Mary G.]

You don't feel guilty because you have no need to feel guilty. You are doing your very best for your mother and she is doing well -- no, better! -- in her new place -- see #1, 2, 4 of your list about her. The "neurotic dance" you 2 were doing in your house was not doing either of you any good. And now you are free to be the loving daughter, wife, and mother that you are.

Also, congrats on your SCS tutorial! That card is lovely.

[Joyce Mehrberg]

Wonderful card. And, thanks for the life update. I'm glad that you are happy. You seem like such a nice person, and you deserve some happiness. Your mom looks very cute! My mom just went back into the hospital, and it is very hard to be so far away from her.

[Donna Hitz]

Winning attitude and beautiful card!

[Ida P. Krause]

Wow your card is stunning. I love the vibrant look.
So happy to hear you are happy. It looks to me as if your mom is doing very well right where she needs to be. I can relate in some small way. My own mom is 83 and while she's still pretty much able to take care of herself there are many many things that she depends on me to do for her and sometimes I feel some of the same feelings you've expressed.

[Robb_eeie]

Your Mom looks great and she is fortunate to have such a caring and loving daughter. Hopefully, she will continue to thrive, as she seems to be doing, while staying at the Nursing Home. I'm amazed she doesn't need the oxygen feed any longer?!? Obviously it's a *good* thing on all levels as you can both breath on your own :)

[Mary W. P.]

I am so happy your Mom is doing well. The complaining; well, some people like to complain. But all other signs point to her being well and safe so that is what is important. Sounds like you did good....more than good, GREAT!! I hope I am able to do as well for my Mom if the time comes. We have lived with her for the last six years. It was brought about by our need to get out from under our mortgage but six months in she had a bad car accident and really can't live alone. So I take care of her, and we still aren't able to live on our own even if she COULD function by herself so I guess everyone is getting what they need.
Love the card too!! :-)

[Ann]

Wow! I am so happy to hear about how your mom is doing. More importantly, I love your honesty in expressing how you feel. Oh my, that is so wonderful, for both of you. She clearly is doing much better, and...so are you! And yes, I can so relate about overdoing it (out of love, habit, fear?) for someone until you cannot escape the trap, to everyone's detriment. So proud of you for moving forward with this change, and especially for surviving the challenge over all the years! You are strong! :-) Ann in IL (GW)

[Shelly]

Wow, what a power packed post this is! I love your card and tutorial...so beautifully done! I am also so very happy that you feel what you feel. Feeling freedom, whatever form it comes in, is a wonderful balance in an unstable world. Hugs!

[Shelly]

I forgot to say that I love the picture of your mom...she has a beautiful smile (false teeth and all)!

[nise]

LOVE this card! Congrats on being invited to post a tutorial on SCS with the "supah stars". No Copics, so it probably won't help me much, but I will go and read it just the same. Thanks for the refreshing insight into the life of the lady known as Paperlicious. Stay warm and well and HAPPY!

[Karen]

ok, how could I have forgotten to mention your tutorial on SCS?!?! I am slightly horrified. I will blame it on my pre-coffee state. Wow! That is so exciting. Being spotted by Beate and invited to do a tutorial! This is right up there with Pamela Anderson being spotted on the Jumbotron and popped onto Baywatch. Congratulations! I'm off to SCS now to take in what I know will be a great tutorial.

[Eileen M]

WOW!! on many accounts: 1. gorgeous card, 2. supurb tutorial, 3. fabulous news about you and your mother. So glad you are happy, and she is comfortable. Love seeing your updates, even if don't post often
Eileen

[Joan B]

now this is funny!

[Eileen M]

WOW!! on many accounts: 1. gorgeous card, 2. supurb tutorial, 3. fabulous news about you and your mother. So glad you are happy, and she is comfortable. Love seeing your updates, even if don't post often
Eileen
(this may be a duplcate, you can delete it if it is!)

[Cathy]

Beautiful card. Thanks for the update on your Mom. So glad that you have all adjusted and it seems like back to the mother daughter relationship.

[TruCarMa]

Good for you, Joan, on all accounts! :)

[smriti]

It felt good to read that both you and your mom are doing so well that I just wanted to say that. Good for both of you :-D

And that is a beautiful card! Congrats on being the guest artist!

[Erica Fields]

Oh Joan, you said it all so well. I had a few bereavement counseling sessions to help me. Although I knew my husband wouldn't be able to continue in the shape he was, and that I had given him my very best effort, I still felt guilt once he was gone. I learned it's okay and my guilt is unwarrented. After ten years as caretaker far more than wife, I can call the shots once again and it is indeed liberating. And best of all, I have replaced the guilt with sadness that he chose to not try to be well. Now I know my feelings are legitimate and normal.
Hugs

[Erica Fields]

Oops..forgot to say CONGRATS on being a guest designer on SSC. How exciting for you. I'm definitely trying your technique.

[Beth Norman]

Congrats to you Joan. So well deserved. I love the look of your card. Thank you for the update on your mom. It sounds like she is doing wonderfully.

[Stephanie]

You raised to the challenge Joan, such a clever technique with stunning results :) I think you have done the right thing with your mother & she appears to be thriving in her new environment - you should definitely not feel guilty, embrace the happiness (it's what we all strive for on a daily basis) xxx

[Linda Peterson]

You are so awesome! Taking care of a relative is so very hard and you did it! Your mom is in such a good place---how wonderful that her health has improved. Complaining is just a means of communication---my mother-in-law is the same way. We just listen and she gets it off her chest. The picture of your mom tells it all---she is very happy! Glad your life is getting back to "normal" if there is such a thing as normal. Enjoy life!

[Sandra K]

I've already shared how happy I am for your wonderful tutorial. (happy happy) I also loved how you used Claire's beautiful flowers. Double the happiness.
And to see such a beautiful picture of your Mum and seeing how she (and you) is thriving is just wonderful. Love and hugs and big, big smiles!

[Connie Pruitt]

First your card is beautiful! And I am very happy for you and your mom.

[conniecrafter]

Gorgeous coloring and it just pops beautifully against that black background, will have to go check out the tutorial :)
Well your mom looks happy in the photo and sounds like it has been good for her health to be there, so that must be a relief. Glad to hear that life is getting better, yep there are always those down times but when it can be mostly good, well thats a blessing.

[Terre]

Love, love, love the card. But, more importantly, Joan, I love the fact that you can breathe and have a life. The hardest decision was putting my Mom in an assisted living place (which she calls the Institution) but it was the best decision. You and your hubby should be able to live without the burden placed on you by your Mom's care. God bless you.

[Deborah Frings]

First off, your card is absolutely gorgeous - I must have a go at that technique, it looks wonderful.

Second off, the photo of your Mum is lovely - she looks great. It sounds like everything is working out well for you both. So glad you're back to being the daughter! Hugs xx

[Kay]

Loved your tutorial! Saw it yesterday in my weekly SCS e-mail, and was so thrilled that I "know" you! Can't wait to try it; you are so clever.

Thanks for sharing an update on your mother. Mine has been in assisted living for 2 1/2 years, and I can relate. Yes, she has complaints, but overall, she is doing so much better. As one co-resident told me, "Why would I want to be alone in my daughter's house all day, when I could be here with friends and activities?" Your mom looks happy and is obviously doing better physically. Happy for you all!

[Amy Wanford]

OK firstly - your card is fabulous! The way you get those flowers to pop against the black background is stunning!
Secondly - no-body's life is perfect. No matter what they say, it's never perfect. Sometimes it's hard to justify looking after yourself when someone else requires looking after too but you need to. After all, if you don't look after yourself (and I mean both mentally and physically!) you can't then even begin to help others. I'm happy that you've found space and that your mum (mom) is being cared for still. It's win win! :)
Hugs!
Aimes
x

[Cynthia]

How great to see your tutorial! Congrats! I appreciate the updates -- truly, this sounds like the best thing for everyone. Hugs! (I'm the lawyer from Chicago who bought your wood mount amuse Elzys some years back, btw). Always enjoy your blog even if I don't often post!!

[Lynne]

Joan, I'm glad for you and your mom. You're right about no arrangement being perfect. Hope we can get together one of these days.

[Heather Chabries]

Joan! I loved seeing you get a tutorial on Splitcoast! You did a very good job. I'm so glad you are happy. You deserve to be happy. I pray for your heart to continue healing. Please know how very very beloved you are.

[Mary Colemon]

Great card, great tutorial...great daughter! Joan, being able to breathe is a great thing, too! You need to take care of yourself for a change. I'm glad your mom is safe and you're happy!