Dear Paperlicious: Publish or Perish

Dear Paperlicious:

I've hear that if you don't get your cards published in magazines your blog will sink, your Design Team opportunities will vanish and even your Mother will disown you.  Any tips for getting published?

Signed,
WTBLY

Dear Want to Be Like You:

Yes, it is true. If you aren't published you are NOBODY in the stamping world that I like to refer to as HSFGUs  (high school for grown ups).  Luckily, out of the goodness of my heart, I am willing to share with you my super successful tips for getting published!!!  Those of you with actual talent get a pass on today's lesson, as this column is for those of you just like me -- the C students of HSFGUs.

Frankly, it really is ONE TIP, which is HOW TO FAKE BEING SUCCESSFUL.  Success begets success.  I could end the column here, but what's the point of being concise when you KNOW you love my tips?

The bottom line is that most folks are published because they are on Design Teams and most folks are on Design Teams because they are published. This vicious cycle is totally unfair as it favors the talented.  There is, however, a way to break it without actually having talent!! 

So, here are the THE TOP 5 WAYS TO BE PUBLISHED THAT "THEY" WON'T TELL YOU!!!!

5.  Talk about being published, even if you haven't been.  List all your publications on your blog.  When is the last time someone checked out the October 2004 issue of Rubber Stamp Madness to see if you are really in it??

4.  Start a second blog but don't tell anyone it is actually your blog.  Claim to want to be "just like [insert your real name] when you grow up," linking to your other blog. Now don't be obvious.  Compliment other folks first.  Wait a couple of weeks and then hold a contest and declare your other self the winner.   

3.  Claim to be on Design Teams for obscure or made up companies.  Especially "Guest Designer."  Since hardly anyone reads my your blog, the company won't know you are lying, and the rest is history....

2.   Use a product.  Write about it on your blog.  Rave about it.  Shortly thereafter, get your friends and relatives to buy tons of the stuff and write to the company about how they saw the product on your blog.  This will make the company think you are influential and put you on its Design Team.  DT=Publications!!!

And THE TOP WAY TO GUARANTEE GETTING PUBLISHED

#1:  Absolutely, positively, put the "Removed For Publication" thing on your work.  Think about this one.  How will anyone know since you can't reveal the info until after the publication!!  If I say so myself, this tip is absolutely the most brilliant of my career!!!

At the end of this column I've graciously included a sample of this "Removed For Publication" thing that you should feel free to cut and paste into your own blog or on line gallery. 

Good luck!!!  See you at the prom.

Sincerely,

Dear Paperlicious

Comments

[Gina K.]

O. M. Gosh, that was the funniest thing I ever read in my LIFE!

[Shelly]

This is hilarious!! I may be gullible enough to try it too! ROTFL!!!!!

[Leslie Miller]

OMG! #4!! I'm SO going to do #4! Tee hee!! You had me in stitches!! Oh, and #1--I could use that for the days I don't have time to actually make a card. Just write a quick post and put an ETA at the end...dang, I could finally be one of those bloggers who has time to post every day!! Thanks, Joan!

[Carolyn King]

ROTFL!!!
you are flippin hysterical!

[Etha]

*grin* you forgot to mention that there is a definite direct correlation of the stamps that you are using to get published and if that stamp company advertises in the magazine that you try to get published in..... muah! so maybe, if you mix it up a bit and use stamps from, say, 20 different companies on your card, you may get lucky ;)

[Barb F]

OMG!!!!! Thanks for the much needed giggle!

[Rose Ann]

OMgosh...this is soooo perfect!! Cracking up BIG time!!

[Michelle R]

Too freakin' funny! Your #1 is the best ever! :-)

[Julie]

*chuckle*

[Etha]

laughing tears here :) TOO funny!

[Kelly Bee]

Dear Paperlicious...I would like to be a member of your design team. I think your innovative line of invisible stamps and invisible cardstock is amazing. I have purchased plenty of both now that the Canadian dollar is worth 4 times the US dollar (essentially meaning that I can afford the shipping now!) and am fully prepared. Nobody reads my blog and I have designed a fresh, new "removed for publication" thingy in a cute font. I'm good to go! May I be so bold as to suggest monthly release dates on the 32nd. Here is a sample of my work using your Invisibilities products:
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Kelly

[cathy tidwell]

Roflmao!! Hilarious!! Thanks so much for this laugh, love reading all your entries and seeing your art too!

[Liz-RedApron]

Where do you come up with such hilarity? Thanks for a much needed laugh. Joan - you rock!

[mnhyrkas]

HSFGU's! LOL

[Juanita]

You make me feel better about my lack of talent. As a shameless CASEer, you give me hope that I too could convince people that I have been published!

[Louise]

You crack me up as usual...and I, too, love the designing for yourself tag on your blog.
Have to say it's not such quite as vicious(?) a circle as you might think. I'm not on any DT's, but I've had plenty of cards published.

[Mary]

Delightful . . . I plan to use all your tips. Mary Fish, Guest Designer "Stinking Inking"

[Mary C. Anderson]

Oh my gosh! I just realized thatyou put Designing for Paperlicious on your sidebar. That is hillarious. Wouldn't it be awesome if we all did that using our Blog names? I *love* the idea. :)

Mary

[Mary C. Anderson]

Now that I am no longer on a design team does that mean I just might get onto another one because I got a card publisehd?:) Nah, I don't think so but what you wrote was hillarious. You always manage to make me smile. And somethimes cry becuase I'm laughing too hard. Your still a hoot Joan.

Mary

[Jimmi]

ROFLMAO....

[Nicole]

You're right on point (and hilarious) as usual! :D

[Laurie Wilson]

Joan, you are crackin' me up! You KNOW I love your tips!

[Kathy W]

Love the number one tip and "high school for grown-ups". You've made my day. :)

[diane mcvey]

Thanks for making me smile this morning! I LOVE reading your witty and insightful "stuff"! And you are so right, it IS HSFGUs!!! TOO FUNNY! :D

[- dlm.]

I was ROFL this morning as I read your tips, Joan ( er...um...Dear Paperlicious ). I especially like the tip about just posting "Removed for Publication." Thanks for making me smile!

- dlm.