Actually, I Don't

In my last post, I talked about how "doing" is more important that feeling -- at least some of the time.  This just about sums up my life's philosophy. However, after Sharon posted this comment

"I completely understand. One minute my 89 yr old dad is as sweet as can be and the next minute he is trying to bite me as I am making him get out of his wet diapers. I want to whisper "go towards the light", but he doesn't do what I tell him to do anyway. ;)

(I might as well keep my sense of humor since my sanity seems to be draining quickly.)"

I thought of how little I really do.

I don't deal at all with my Mom physically.  I go to the office to earn the money so someone else makes sure she is clean.

I don't take her to the doctor or to get blood.  I work and pay the person who does that.

I don't really touch my Mom at all. I could write a whole blog on just that topic and but not now...

Anyway, here's a virtual huge round of applause for the folks like Sharon, family and paid, who really take care of the ill and the elderly. The ones who bathe and change diapers, feed and comb hair.  They are the ones who are the real do-ers. 

The rest of us fake it, just a bit.

Comments

[Leslie Miller]

There's a niche for everyone, Joan. You have yours and thank goodness there are others who fit the caregiver niche. Each of us is vitally necessary in some way in the human society. It's like what happens when a species becomes extinct -- what if there were no more lawyers?

[Juanita]

Here's my NEW way of thinking in action, isn't it wonderful that you are capable of working and make enought money to give her the best care possible???? ? See how well this works, and it's the TRUTH? Sleep well, my friend.

HUGS.

[marciad]

Joan, don't beat yourself up over this. You are giving your mom the one thing nobody else can and that's love. You work hard to be able to give her the best physical care, but you talk to her, make her cards, sometimes laugh with her, and she is in your home. It means a great deal not being alone. Hugs to you both.

[Conniecrafter]

Right at first it was hard to do the cleaning up of my mother after her strokes, I think mainly because I could sense she felt uncomfortable about it, but I tried to make jokes and set her at ease and we would just laugh, and I think that is all you can do through this process, ask God for the strength and just keep smiling! Looking back I treasure those times with her as much as when she was well. I will have to say that my Dad was a Saint through my mom's illness, he knew my mom was uncomfortable around others and so he did everything for her, unless one of us kids were around to help. Even when she was getting to be too much he still wouldn't give up. I saw alot of Love in those last years, and still feel it from him and she has been gone 7 years now!

[Sue B]

That round of applause would be for my sister. She's 72 and still caring for my 94-year-old Mom who has Alzheimer's.

[Cindy]

I think many of us probably have or will have one version or another of having to deal with a parent, whether it be hands on care or the lack of such. I know when my mother started showing signs of dementia at the age of 63, I found myself getting angry that I had to take time out of my busy life to tend to her and spend my hard earned money to take care of her, when I hardly made ends meet as it was, being a single mom/grand-mom. Her dementia progressed at record rates and 3 years later I had no choice but to put in a nursing home, where I am thankful that she gets the attention she needs, although for all intents and purposes, my mom is gone... she doesn't recognize any one anymore and you can't help but wonder what kind of an existence that is... how does this woman, only 67, ...who was once the most independent woman I knew, very intelligent and hard working... how does it feel in her head now, oblivious to what goes on around her, not knowing enough to eat or go to the bathroom, nor able to do either by herself. I say thank you to the Nursing Homes, because there is no way I could do it for her and I certainly didn't see my brothers step up to the task. I applaud those folks out there that are able to jump right in there and take over and do it, but that doesn't mean we are lesser people - we do at least make sure it gets done!

[Mary C. Anderson]

It takes a special person to take care of loved one who is sick. Yes, a sense of humor certainly does help.

Mary